Thursday, February 11, 2010

On Determining Family Size...

After much thought, I believe I've narrowed the determining factors of family size to 3: 1. Have as many children as you want, 2. Have as many children as you think is convenient for your family or situation, and 3. Have as many children as you think God wants you to have. You can let me know if I've missed one.

Which one is the right factor?

So, how is it that our society has come to the general thought that having more-kids-than-is-popular a *bad* thing? The attitude really isn't, "Well it's their business, they can have as many as they want", rather, it's more like this: "They are trying to get attention" or "That's too many kids" (which was recently said to us, about us, by a woman at a restaurant). What has happened to cause our society to think this way? I really believe it started with the Feminist Movement. Women were influenced to think that they shouldn't have the *burden* of having all those children, they should be given the power to choose! So comes the birth control pill. I really would love to know how Christian women really felt after being some of the first to give in to taking the birth control pill. I wonder if they felt guilt, at first? Now, of course, I'm sure many, many Christian women take the *pill* as did I for a few years when I first married. I know I really didn't feel guilty. But, I wonder how women felt before BC pills became the norm?

Since this is my blog and sort of my journal, I'm just going to blog my feelings about, I feel. However, I would love your input on this topic and hope you'll leave me a comment at the end of this blog.

Back to the topic. Next, of course, came the wonderful (said most sarcastically) media influence. TV and Media affect everything, it seems. Sitcoms began showing 2 or 3 children, max. You never saw (or see) large families in commercials.

Lastly, there is a sense of selfishness in our time. No one can afford large families. You can't give each child adequate attention, you know. It isn't fair for a sibling to have to spend time helping another sibling. Blah, blah, blah... I believe this is the reason that disgusts me the most. I worked with a lady who, upon hearing I was pregnant with #3, would constantly remind me of how expensive her 2 girls are. Surely I didn't know how much car insurance for teenagers costs or Heaven forbid, Prom dresses!

Now, there are other reasons couples choose not to have large families, such as health reasons or unable to bear more, but I won't go into those. In fact, I'm not even going to pursue the above reasons, but shift my blog to a more personal level.

Growing up, I rarely played with dolls as did my sister. Babies were okay, but it wasn't me who always had somebodies' baby on her hip. When I got married, I knew I wanted kids, definitely 2, probably 3. We waited about 2 & 1/2 years (thanks to the BC pill) and then my son was born. It wasn't until after my daughter was born and I started reading several Child Training books and books on Natural Health that I began thinking that maybe I wanted more kids. Like 4. My husband and I felt (and still feel) a real calling to be Godly parents who raise our children different from today's norm.

I still don't know how I feel about having a large family, which I guess is interpreted, I still don't know if I'm supposed to have a large family. If I said anything of significance in this blog it would be this: I still don't know how I feel about having a large family. Yes I do, I feel terrified. I feel inadequate. But, one thing is for sure. I honestly feel convicted when I think about stopping my family growth. Which leads me to more thoughts. Thoughts of: Is God convicting me to have a large family because He wants to do something great with us? Which leads to more thoughts of: Does he actually call people to have large families? Or...does the whole world have it all wrong (minus The Duggars) and we should all be just letting God Take Charge of our Fertility? Today I was rocking the baby, contemplating over this post and the scripture came to about God giving us children as gifts. When We take charge of our fertility, aren't we stopping God from giving us gifts in His time? You know, and really it's funny how we ask God to take control of our lives, but yet, we control our family size? Hmm...just some thoughts for you to contemplate.

Most women say that can't handle that many children. "Mine are enough to drive me crazy", they say. I have found the answer to child training and that is in the Bible. I could do a whole post on that, but for now, let's get back to my thoughts, in summary, which are...

1. Are certain women actually convicted to have more children? (Which, in turn, would mean they are sinning if they decide against having more..right?)

2. Are we all really supposed to let God have His way in our fertility, like He does in the rest of our lives?

3. Then, there's the husband. What does He say? Of course, he is our head, so maybe we can just hope he only wants 3 and go with that because, after all, he's the head? :) (Sounds good to me..which is, ultimately, who I consult and who I will obey.:o)

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Especially if you have 2 or 3 kids and feel done. Then maybe that will lead me to think some are just *chosen* to have large families?? If you are done, but have regrets, I would love to hear from you as well. Furthermore, be nice, please, if you think people are loony bins for having large families. I'm sure they feel loony at times without your reminding them. If you don't have a blog, you can leave a comment as "Anonymous". If it doesn't go thru with the first try, repost again.

Off to bed to get ready for tomorrow's SNOW day!! Yea!


  1. Personally, I'm back and forth. I must admit I haven't really done any one-the-knees soul searching about it. I know my husband wants one more (maybe two) and I don't feel that I should go against him on this. He is the only Acklen left to carry on the family name, so he'd like another boy. I do worry about the affect another pregnancy would have on my body. Should I have more kids if it potentially puts me in a physical state that hinders how well I take care of them? More often than not lately I've felt done. But like I said, I haven't sought God on how He feels about it. Guess I need to get started on that :).

    I cannot believe someone actually said that to you! Bless your heart!

  2. We have three kiddos and I always wanted more...but Chris thought we needed to be wise with the resources God gave us and that three children was enough. He had a vasectomy. He is the head and I respect his decision...but every now and then I cry...wishing for a larger family. That is wrong of me though...I should be grateful for my wonderful family as it is...and thankful for what God has given us!

    One day I asked Chris "What if we weren't suppose to stop having kids?" and Chris replied "If God wants us to have more children...then we will. He is all powerful and a vasectomy won't stop Him"....I thought about it and Chris was right. If it *was* God's will for us to have more children...He could make it happen. I think large families are wonderful! Then again, families of ALL sizes are wonderful!!! :) God does give us choices in life. :)

    I wanted to tell you: YAY!!! Sooo glad you learned to knit! How is it going? Well, I hope! If you run into any problems, I am no expert...but I would be happy to feel free to email me! :)
    Have a wonderful Vday weekend! :)

  3. I forgot to include in my thoughts on BC in my previous comment. So, here goes: I have personally been deeply convicted about using birth control. There are other effective means that are guilt-free, as in no worrying about if I am aborting a baby a month! I did lots of reading and praying about this, and God was very clear about what He wanted me to do. So far, our current (natural) means of family planning are actually working better than the BC did for me (two unexpected pregnancies). I really appreciate this post. I wish more people read your blog! LOVE YA~

  4. Hello! I agree with your comments:)
    Yes, when we take charge of our fertility, we are stopping God from giving us His gifts in His time. Do not ignore your convictions about stopping your family size; they are there for a reason. When we try to look at ourselves with 5, 6, or maybe 7+ children, we can become overwhelmed, because we are looking at ourselves through our own eyes and see all our shortcomings, but God gives us what we need to accomplish His will for our lives. I have enjoyed reading your blog and your children are beautiful & precious:)
    Also, I was encouraged to read about your conviction to rise early to spend time with the LORD. Having that consistent, quiet time with Him is the only way to live. God bless you:)

  5. Greetings from Scotland! I've just discovered your blog through someone elses and was drawn to this post. I have to say I'm kind of with you on this subject, ie. I'm not too sure what is 'right'. I have four children, which I don't think of as a big family, but society over here would say it definately is (I think the child rate average for the UK is 1.6 or something similar!)
    My hubby and I are content with our four precious gifts. That's not to say we would never have any more but right now we feel that our calling is to have four. We have always used natural birth control and it has worked for us. I wouldn't rule out no.5 in the future if hubby agreed and our circumstances were right.
    I'm just starting up my own blog and have really enjoyed having a look round yours :-)


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